On the day of freshman orientation, I remember turning to my friends and saying it felt like we were grown-ups now. They laughed at me. We were fourteen years old and we knew nothing about the world except how to be children, which didn’t feel like a necessary skill anymore.

Now, as graduation approaches, that moment replays in my head constantly. We’ve spent the last four years trying to unlearn what made us childish and instead absorb the truths that supposedly launch us into adulthood, the very thing I thought I had found that day at orientation. 

At eighteen, my freshman-year declaration of adulthood seems more foolish now than ever. I feel like I know less now than I did at fourteen, especially with this next chapter looming. I didn’t meet all the expectations I had for myself, but I still picked up a few lessons that carried me through my high school experience, especially when I felt like I was failing.

Stop caring about who you are.

I spent a lot of high school in awe of the people around me. I was exposed to whole new worlds and tried out a lot of different things. But I also felt pressure to find a label to fit into. I felt as if I had to figure out who I was immediately in order to do the things I wanted or be accepted. I was convinced I had to be like everyone else to belong. Eventually, I learned something much more useful: if you were born in yourself, you must already know yourself. Trying to cram my identity into a box was pointless—especially because the world is happy to do that for you anyway. I’ve realized it’s okay that I change every day. In fact, it’s kind of the point.

Be scared of everything and do it anyway.

The most important, interesting, and defining things I’ve done have always been the scariest. When I started high school, I was afraid of everything—especially doing anything alone. But every time I did something scary, it paid off. Every year, I was scared to run for class council—and every year, I did, and I got elected. I was terrified to take my driver’s test—then I passed, and now I drive myself to school every day. I applied to college in New York City on a whim. This fall, I’ll be moving to New York all by myself to attend The New School. I’m terrified. And I’m doing it anyway. Every “I could never” ended up being something I actually did—and I’m better for it.

You find community when you become a good community member.

The greatest lesson I’ve learned in high school is about community. I’ve been lucky to have a core group of friends who’ve supported me as much as I’ve supported them. But beyond that, I’ve learned how to build and nurture community elsewhere—through clubs, volunteering, and shared spaces. What I’ve really learned is this: to find community, you have to be a good community member. And sometimes, that means creating it. My two friends and I started a women’s club sophomore year, and it blossomed into something beautiful. I’m so excited to watch it continue after I’m gone. It wasn’t easy. It took work, compromise, and patience. People showed up late, spilled things, disagreed. But the reward—creating a solid, welcoming space for others—taught me something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

I know less about the world as I go and explore it more, I feel less confident than I did at fourteen. Or at least I think so, I am definitely louder now though. I feel much messier, much more uncertain about all of the things I thought I knew. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing though, it makes me more eager to learn things.

So, I didn’t become the adult I imagined I’d be at fourteen, but I’ve gotten pretty good at failing upwards and that feels like progress.