-J
-H
In addition to quitting writing about film, we’re also GIVING UP on our dreams to pursue filmmaking, because NOBODY watches that JUNK ANYMORE. Instead, we’re dedicating our lives to short-form content and making YouTube videos. This does mean we have to politely turn down the many offers from film schools across the country we received. We understand you may be concerned, but believe us when we say THE INTERNET IS HERE TO STAY!
Every day the form of our content gets shorter and shorter. It’s up to the savvy filmmaker to make the pivot ASAP. I have decided to go completely self-taught, and am attempting to make the shortest form content available (sub one second). In the meantime, we have discovered that nobody is reading our reviews… SHAME! The sole cause being that the kids no longer are able to commit to a longform article due to the deterioration of their prefrontal cortex in the age of TikTok, Instagram, and Vine.. We are sorry to our core fans, but at the end of the day this is a job and Julian and I go where the money is! SAD!
-HRS 🙏
Screaming because of Failure – Dir. Gold Koopa Bros.
Classic. This is how we responded when we found out no one was reading our articles and ALSO nobody is watching our movies. Or any movies. Nobody is watching movies anymore.
his kid essentially invented short-form content. He’s like the Orson Welles of YouTube.
Welding A whole new life for myself – Wheeler Antabanez
Wheeler Antabanez is living the life I wanted to live before I learned about Instagram Reels. This dude sails the Passaic river in his canoe exploring life’s greatest gifts in such an elegant way. In this one, Wheeler takes a chill day on the water with his lovely girlfriend as he communicates with gophers and learns the art of welding. It’s a slice of life really… and I wanna take a bite.
I had something like this happen to me. I was in a canoe racing championship and I was neck and neck with some canoe masters. It was crazy. I used up all of my stored adrenochrome in order to power through and pass the other teams… It was epic. Also if you aren’t from New Jersey and want a taste of what our daily lives are like it’s pretty much this.
Killing In The Name Performed By The North Korean Military Chorus (Rare Footage) – Dir. Lars Von Retriever
I pride myself on being a pretty savvy guy.. but if my country’s military started clapping and stomping to a really cool Rage Against the Machine song I would 100% fall for whatever propaganda they were pushing me bro. They really brought out the entire orchestra and dance ensemble to dance as videos of missiles exploding play on the screen. This the typa stunt that would make me enlist… maybe that makes me weak but I digress. The kids love rock and roll.
When I first saw this video I was in awe. Not only because the North Korean government did an orchestral rendition of “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine, but also because it was really good. Some may giggle about the irony of the largest political machine doing a cover of a Rage Against the Machine song, which is what I thought as well. I hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but it is fake. I was so disappointed when I discovered this, but I still appreciate the video for its nice editing and goofy premise.
Love & Relationship Advice- How to Get a Girlfriend in Middle School – Dir. Acadiagamer206
This is, in my opinion, one of the greatest videos ever. You can see the desperation in this kid’s eyes. Maybe if he follows these rules, he too can get a girlfriend in middle school. We as the viewer have no idea whether Acadiagamer206 got a girlfriend in middle school, however as the viewer, we have to trust him… we have to trust that he knows more about this than us. Watching this as someone who has graduated middle school years ago, I am left with an incredible sense of nostalgia. Watching this dorky kid devise a set of rules that he claims will guarantee you a girlfriend in middle school is both sad, and admirable. The combination of Migos, Off the Corner, and the GTA5 soundtrack send me back to a peaceful time of sleepovers, video games, and hangin’ with my friends. WWhere is Acadiagamer206 now? We may never know. However, he has left a treasure trove of documentation about himself that (hopefully) will be immortalized forever on YouTube. Go check out his channel.
I had a girlfriend in middle school and that experience was awful. It felt good most of the time but the other times I was just thinking about San Diego. The whole experience was like a horse trying to be a gazelle. I wish I had watched this video beforehand. I also wish I could hear him a little bit better but that music fye! Sit with her at lunch… GENIUS!
The great slipper trap – Dir. Tiny Husband
This is a video that transcends media. In the short runtime of this imaginative film, we are taken through a day in the life of our tiny husband hero, avoiding the wrath of his normal sized wife. Evoking images of Honey I Shrunk the Kids, The Great Slipper Trap brings to light a fear in all of us… What if I was a little man in a big world? The answer… will shock you. Beautiful effects, sound, and dialogue cements this video as one of YouTube’s greatest.
Some very challenging concepts and emotions in this one. I can’t even imagine how out of place he must have felt. I’m certain he must not have weighed more than two bananas. His eyes were so sunken you can see his skull.
Disney Dog Fight – Dir. arctocyon
This is the stuff Disney does not want you to see. Those people in the costumes are untrained, and full of rage. Every day someone in a costume attacks a kid on Disney property. THEY SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG! It’s a conspiracy that NEEDS to be EXPOSED.
This one is cute.
Don’t Online Date on Roblox… – Dir. SlapStudios
This is a great PSA from SlapStudios 15 years ago. If you date on roblox your account will get banned, 15 years ago, as well as today. This is a seriously timeless documentation of the dangers of online dating. Julian and I both know that the userbase of Roblox has expanded over the past few years, so this video is more important than ever. If you are on Roblox and are trying to get a digital sweetie pie, JUST DON’T. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU ARE 58 years old JUST DON’T.JUST DON’T. BECAUSE YOUR ACCOUNT WILL GET BANNED FOREVER.
No wonder he’s scoring babes… his username is “pokemonultra3” if I were a girl I’d be all over that. There is something very endearing about their romance, despite how forbidden it may be.
Welcome to ChazLand – Dir. ChazDragoon
This is such a great time capsule for people our age. The beautiful city of Chazland, a feat of Minecraft architecture that has not been rivaled ever since the release of this video. The community swimming pool, the Mana Center, the Shopping Center, all serve specific purposes that contribute to the sheer beauty of this American City. Thank you Chaz… And thank you AMERICA!
A master builder if I’ve ever seen one. Not only is he an immensely talented artisan, but the intricate ways he implements the score into the video, his suave attitude and formal tone of voice. This is an artist that DEMANDS your respect.
IN SUMMATION…
Well I hope you dedicated readers like this format because we are NEVER GOING BACK!
We’re launching our new software called “Julian and Henry.” It will be an add-on to Google Giggles when it launches this spring.
