This chapter was meant to be hidden, censored by the powers that be, however after some careful editing we feel that this article deserves to be read. For the longtime fans that noticed that we skipped right from #2 to #4… this one’s for you.

This is an article for the fans and the fans only, if you didn’t grow up on MatPat and Fazbear fun, read an article about Bad Bunny or something; This is NOT for you. 

BEGIN COMMUNICATION:

Fast Times At James Caldwell High #3 

J –                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

– H

We were lucky enough to be invited to the Red Carpet Premiere of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2, directed by Emma Tammi because of our recent partnership with the Krampus Film Festival. We were honored to be considered filmmakers worthy of attending such a prestigious event, but unfortunately we could not attend because we had to see FNAF 2 at our comfortable home theatre.

My favorite FNAF is Mangle. 

MMMMM… Mee too, I also like withered bonnie. 

Good choice.

Today we’re talking about Five Nights At Freddy’s 2, the movie. This is a direct continuation of the last film, which wasn’t good either. It follows Josh Hutchinson as Mike Shmidt, an ex-security guard for Freddy’s Fazbear’s Pizzeria. After taking down the evil animatronics that haunted the pizzeria in the first movie, he tries to help his little sister, Abby (Piper Rubio), recover from that traumatic experience in a new town. 

I felt bad for the little girl character because as a child I also wanted to be friends with Chica and everybody told me no.

Fans of Seinfeld will be delighted to see Newman appear as an evil science teacher who just smashes the main girl’s project and drools a little bit. I didn’t know why he was there, he was so negative. But he gets beaten up by Chica so. 

We met a kind gentleman in the theater named Sean who had this to say:

Sean, who is the purple guy?

Sean:

“I got no clue. I went to see this movie with my 7 year old daughter and I didn’ t understand a darn tootin’ second of it.”

Are you happy that you brought your young child to see this movie?

Sean:

“Yes, sir. I think she should have seen it. It’s something that she needs to know if things could…  like… That could happen in life. That could be a true story based on… you know- science. Or science we have. We never know what’s going on in the outside of the world”.

Ok, thank you for your time.

This is a movie that reminds me that education is free. This movie also saw the Jim Henson Creature Shop bring the animatronics to life through giant puppets and wearable suits. I really, really love this, and anyone who knows me will have heard my rants about practical effects and how much I love these kinda creature-feature big awesome suits. But to see these marvels of practical effects only be used to stomp around heavily and dart their eyes around was such a disappointment. There were a couple moments that were really impressive, like how the Marionette’s arms bend and navigate the hallways, or how Mangle bashes its way through the roof of a moving car. But for the most part, these suits were really boring and disappointing. 

There was a huge controversy on set because the poor sap who was wearing the toy Freddy suit had the springlocks go off in the middle of a shoot. The guy was fresh out of college too, hopefully SAG will implement some restrictions on springlock usage. Here’s a picture from on 

set seconds before the incident, viewer discretion advised: 

There was a point where Mike has to fend off animatronics from the security desk in a really cool homage to the format of the original games. He has to use his flashlight, the security doors, and the Freddy mask in order to survive. I remember watching this scene and thinking why couldn’t the movie just have been this. It’s such a stupid running trend that any movie adaptation  that isn’t taken from a book needs to completely alter the source material to “fit the format” of a feature film. This movie relies on you actually being invested in the characters, but nobody in that audience grew up playing the games for Mike Shmidt. No character has any substance beyond their role in the movie, and the dialogue is some of the most pathetic and preachy things I’ve ever seen so you can’t even get invested if you tried. The only reason we chose to review this movie was because we grew up playing these games; and even though it feels like that’s who this movie was made for, it had nothing for past fans to grab onto other than a couple of horrible references and jokes. 

I feel really bad for the people who went to see this movie having not watched every Game Theory video about the series. It’s essentially required information to be able to understand anything that happens in the movie. There are so many moments where they introduce characters who they do not introduce properly (ie. they do not say their name, who they are, or how they relate to the story) and then just expect you to know who they are. This is no big whoop for a Five Nights aficionado like myself, but for the uneducated and the elderly this movie is just one hour and forty minutes of self referential nonsense that only comes through to the chronically online. I’m sure there is an 80 year old woman out there with her nephew that flipped her noodle watching this in theatres.

I just can’t help but think how much better this movie would be if it was just a film version of the games. This movie had nothing beyond the licensed characters Blumhouse spent over 20 million dollars to get the rights to. Everyone flocked to the theatres to see the characters they grew up with; and after spending money on tickets, memorabilia, and snacks, we’re shown an hour and 40 minute ad for their next movie and all the toys you can buy while you wait for it to release. 

Yeah I noticed that nearly everyone spent money on merchandise. Popcorn buckets, cups, toys, etc. I swear everyone in that theatre had at least one thing that they bought at the theatre related to FNAF 2. I even felt swept up in this wave of consumerism. It’ s a cryin’ shame that I was about a paycheck away to justify buying the $60 dollar cupcake popcorn bucket.

I did buy the cup, I liked the cup. It came with a little toy. 

Also, this movie doesn’t really have an ending. It just kind of ends. Literally right before the climax the movie just ends. I know that doesn’t really make much sense, but if you see it you will understand. It feels like the movie could have continued, but the studio thought it ran for too long, so they are probably gonna cut the end of FNAF 2 into the beginning of FNAF 3 just because they thought that the target audience could not possibly sit in the theatre any longer than an hour-forty.

Well, that’s not entirely true. After waiting patiently in your seat for 90 minutes for anything to make sense or pay off in the slightest, the writers treat you to a 30 second animatronic brawl. What a hunk of junk. 

Also, what was with all the religious dialogue? Scott Cawthon’s Christian faith has influenced some of his previous work, but here, the religious themes often felt forced rather than naturally connected to the characters or plot. The movie could have explored those ideas more subtly and effectively. With that said, don’t waste your money, save it for FNAF 3. That’s probably gonna be the one that wins best picture in 2027. My rating, 2/10 for FNAF 2.

They should have called this movie FNAF 2… (Fun Not Allowed For 2 Hours [LOL{ : -)}])

End communication…

Know what… this is maybe the worst article that I have ever read, like ever. I think that this would have been better left as lost media. We are sorry to those who have to read.

The people need to know what could happen. Your article about Five Nights at Freddies could get banned, and there might not be anything you can do. Or is there? ; ) And with that, Happy Halloween!