Satire

Let Your Hair Down Girls

By: Emily Freed

For too long, the female gender has been struggling, clawing tooth and nail for rights equal to those of men. For centuries, women have resisted their second-class status. The Women’s Suffrage Movement of the 19th century pioneered the fight for our right to vote, and countless feminist movements followed after them, all in the name of attaining gender equality. We girls have stuck it out, time and time again, dealing with being treated as inferior, being told that we are only suited for the role of wife and mother.

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scienceofrelationship.com

Now, I’ll admit, being treated as such is frustrating, and we all know it is clearly untrue. But, come on. I’m exhausted! Aren’t you? I think maybe it is time we learn to pick our battles. Look where feminism has gotten us: now, instead of women doing all the housework and childrearing, we are expected to have a full-time job and do still all that back-breaking “women’s work” anyway! We tried to make it better for us, and sure, it was a valiant effort, but sometimes you just have to know when to quit. I’ve tried to champion the plight women’s rights to others this year, and all I’ve got to show for it are an earful of microaggressions and a crick in my jaw from furiously clenching my teeth every five minutes! It’s thankless work, I’ll tell you.

Now I know I am not alone–I’m sure you girls understand this collective frustration. After all, talking to a man about feminism for more than 30 seconds can only lead to either one of two situations. In the first (rare and coveted) scenario, it results in a pleasant surprise due to said man being well-versed in feminist issues of the 21st century and having an intelligent conversation. More than likely, however, it results in the second scenario, one which ends with an overwhelming sense of regret for having even started the discussion, and causing an hour-long argument with the equivalent of a brick wall that only knows the phrases “The wage-gap isn’t real!” and “Show me proof!” Who can stand to have all those minutes wasted?

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wikinut.com

Listen, girls. We did good. We can go out with a bang. The day after Trump’s inauguration, over 3.3 million people across America participated in Women’s Marches, with more people attending the Women’s March on Washington than attending the actual inauguration. We stuck it to the man, in one of the biggest protests of history. I hate to say it, but if men won’t listen to millions of us screaming for our rights now, I can’t imagine what else it will take. We had our shot at electing our first female president, but America obviously was not ready for that, and instead we received a washed up reality show host whose biggest claims to fame are disrespecting minorities and hair reminiscent of dog fur sheddings.

We gave it our best shot–we really did. Honestly, I grade us an A for effort. Maybe even an A plus. But the world just isn’t ready. Women’s rights can wait a few years. It’s time to put your markers down and shove those poster boards back in the closet. Set the table for dinner and let your hair down, girls. After all, we’ve waited long enough for equality, what’s another four years going to do?

Categories: Satire

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